Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
