Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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