Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
