I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize