4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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