Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
