I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
