I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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