I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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