So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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