just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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