dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
