is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
