Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
