you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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