i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am full of burrito and curiosity
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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