I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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