Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I puked a lego.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
