Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ttyl tear gas
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
