You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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