i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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