She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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