ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
