So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just tell him i said nine months
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
