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ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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