I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
