Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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