You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
