big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
