you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
