Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
