This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
