omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
