Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
