i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
