ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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