I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
