Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
