I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
