we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
