i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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