New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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