I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you never un-have a 4some
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
