You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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