Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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