You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
