Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
being pregnant is like rehab
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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