Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
