This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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