**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are we still banned from the library?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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