I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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