Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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