I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
