His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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