Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
