I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
