is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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