Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize