That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
