Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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