I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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