I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize