i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
