I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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