dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
