I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
