You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
