Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
