She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
