we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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