Welp...herpes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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