no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
