I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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