I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
