Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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