i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
