i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
