Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
